hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
