they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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