hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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