You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
