it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
