That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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