I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He did a backflip because drugs
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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