I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
