Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
