Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
