Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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