I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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