these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
