I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize