Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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