i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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