I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
