It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize