theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
