I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
