You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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