she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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