You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
