South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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