Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
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Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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