you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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