"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
