Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
