I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
