Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
