It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
