my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
