Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
