It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
