Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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