You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
