i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
