Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
