Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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