he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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