can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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