I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My vagina is very pro this idea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
