First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
