and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
