Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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