is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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