There was a lot of him and a little penis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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