seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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