If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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