it wasn't lemon gatorade
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
this will be a night to untag.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
