We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
