I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
