shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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