You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
