Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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