Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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