Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
