how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
