i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
