well you can't waste a boner
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
