The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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