any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
