There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He shit in the fireplace
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
