thus making me awesome and them whores
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
