yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
