she smelled like a LAN party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
