I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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