I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
