Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize