Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
