I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize