I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize