thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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