Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
