Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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