No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
