My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
