it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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