oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
